So here I am. It's already the end of January. In two weeks I leave for India and I am terrified beyond anything at the thought of it all. I guess I'm using this entry as more of a "Oh my god" entry then anything else. 

I know it's not just me who feels like January is moving by at a speed that would make anyones head spin faster then Webster in his grave after the onset of lolcats. Or LoLcatz if you will. I don't know exactly how to spell it... which i suppose is the epitome of irony right there. 

You know what I love? Lemurs. Lemurs make my day just a little bit brighter. 

So there's this musician named Krissi and she's asked me to do a dance video for her. I'm intruiged. I might actually do it. I figure it could be fun. 

I was going to have a point to this entry, but I see that's all gone by the wayside in favour of randomness and more randomness. What a surprise. 

Maybe next time I'll have a point. 

Maybe. 

I doubt it though. 

In  a month, I'll be in India. 

Why is it that before a big, potentially life changing event, everything at home seems to get blown into a million pieces. It's a long difficult process to prepare for a long difficult process. 

Attack of the Han-ra-head shark

Man is this class boring. 

I took film because I thought it would be interesting. And it would be... but why is a class with so much promise wasted? It's almost joke like. Our teacher is a great man. He's nice and he's invested in his students (as much as can be of course) but when the man drones on for over an hour before even starting to talk to the movie, it makes things more then a little ridiculous. 

I want to like this class. As all of you who have followed this blog know, I work at Blockbuster. More then anything I want to be an actor. Movies are one of the most important things to me, right up there with pizza and Jesus, but if I fall asleep before he even puts the movie on, how can I be expected to care about the movie I'm watching after? 

Given some of the movies we've watched have been enjoyable. Citizen Kane to this day remains one of my favorite movies  of all time. 

1. Monty Python and the Holy Grail

2. Labyrinth

3. Nightmare Before Christmas

4. Josie and the Pussycats

5. Citizen Kane

See. It's right there under the Pussy's. 

The only thing that prevents this course from being a must take, is the  fact that our teacher can't keep his mouth closed for ten minutes without telling us what he had for breakfast that morning and the after effects of the soup on your perception of a movie. 

It's crazy. He's crazy. 

Thank god for Cheryl, and Kylie, for making it possible to get through. 

No one will ever argue that you deserve better than me. It just kills me that you found it. 

Ever had one of those days where you just feel like you've failed? Has it ever lasted more then a day? How about a week? What about longer? What if you've had this feeling for as long as you could remember? 

Well for me, it thankfully hasn't been that long, but ever since I came back home from Toronto I've felt this way. I've felt as if I'm taking a step back in my life. It's as if everything I want out of life, is somewhere else, or passing me by, or is so unattainable that I can't even begin to grasp at it. It's like I'm one step behind destiny, and too short to get picked out of the crowd. 

I have a sad addiction, which I'm pretty sure stems from this feeling. I've always felt inadequate in many ways, but recently, I've got this awful burning desire to be noticed. Noticed by someone, anyone... Just someone who sees who I really am. Every side of me, and can still appreciate it. Let's face it, I'm far from perfect. I've got issues a mile wide and twice as severe, but I suppose this is all a part of growing up. 

Anyway, here I am. One day away from going back to school, and totally, and completely... unsatisfied. 

I hate the idea of going back. I want to quit. I'm sick and tired of school already. I'm sick and tired of a job that I hate more by the week. I'm sick of being stuck in a nowhere town with no real futures here. I don't want to do retail for the rest of my life, but that's all that's here. So what do you do? 

Well it's too late to leave school, so I might as well finish what I started. As for next year... well I guess we'll have to play this whole thing by ear now.