Saturday, January 3, 2009

Ever had one of those days where you just feel like you've failed? Has it ever lasted more then a day? How about a week? What about longer? What if you've had this feeling for as long as you could remember? 
Well for me, it thankfully hasn't been that long, but ever since I came back home from Toronto I've felt this way. I've felt as if I'm taking a step back in my life. It's as if everything I want out of life, is somewhere else, or passing me by, or is so unattainable that I can't even begin to grasp at it. It's like I'm one step behind destiny, and too short to get picked out of the crowd. 
I have a sad addiction, which I'm pretty sure stems from this feeling. I've always felt inadequate in many ways, but recently, I've got this awful burning desire to be noticed. Noticed by someone, anyone... Just someone who sees who I really am. Every side of me, and can still appreciate it. Let's face it, I'm far from perfect. I've got issues a mile wide and twice as severe, but I suppose this is all a part of growing up. 
Anyway, here I am. One day away from going back to school, and totally, and completely... unsatisfied. 
I hate the idea of going back. I want to quit. I'm sick and tired of school already. I'm sick and tired of a job that I hate more by the week. I'm sick of being stuck in a nowhere town with no real futures here. I don't want to do retail for the rest of my life, but that's all that's here. So what do you do? 
Well it's too late to leave school, so I might as well finish what I started. As for next year... well I guess we'll have to play this whole thing by ear now. 

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