The problem with Woman

Woman- The play that's killing me softly

So me being all ambitious and such decided that I was going to write a play based on the Lysistrata and have it done by January.

What was I thinking?

I'm writing this play and am constantly thinking it's not good enough. I'm not exploring the characters enough. I don't have enough songs. The characters are flat and not getting the breadth and dimension they so deserve.

That being said, I can't stop writing it otherwise I'll be labeled a quitter by... Myself. And that's just not cool...

Is it?

Oh please tell me it's cool to quit. That would be AWESOME.

I mean, I got this.

One play coming right up.

Hope my leading lady can memorize lines like no ones business...

Dark Rising: The savage tales of Matti McLean

I was fine until I read Doug's blog, then the horrible, horrible truth hit me all at once like a snowball filled with delicious rocks.

It's almost over.

My first major tv AND movie role, (Ironically the same part) is almost done, and that is just incredibly depressing.

The whole cast and crew of Dark Rising has been such a huge, HUGE blessing to me and what they've allowed me to do (get away with) is really mind blowing. For instance, I highly doubt many directors would let you write scenes for your character, much less write an entire episode. Andrew has been awesome, and I've realized how quickly I've grown too close to the cast and the crew of this series. Everyday on set has been a pleasure and it's just been wonderful.

Now I guess I just have to keep writing eh?

Dark Rising: The Savage Tales of Summer Vale is due to begin airing in June, (June really? I mean there IS a halloween and Christmas episode... ANYWAY...) and the movie Dark Rising 2: Summer Strikes Back is due out in September.

Trust me when I say I'll be giving you regular updates. Exciting isn't it? :)

So I have to write this play for January... but I have not wrote it yet.

Why?

That is a good question.

My life has gone from absurdly busy to completely open.

And suddenly I'm finding it hard to do anything.

Why is it that the more stuff you have to do, the more stuff you feel you can get done?

Or is that just me?

Maybe?

I'm just a little... lost?

Woman:

It's going to be a play about... women. That's all I got so far.

Well I'm lying again, but trust me, this story is going to be quite a bit more interesting then even I'm giving it credit for!

I hope...

We shall see.

The Dark Rising Truth

So, there's this movie called Dark Rising.

If you haven't seen it, I have to recommend it to you. Not because it's the best movie ever made. Not because Brigitte is hot on the cover (yes Andrew, I said it) Not because of any superficial reason really...

But because of these people, I am acting again.

To prove how long it's been since I posted regularly on this perhaps I should take a step back.

Two summers ago- I moved to Toronto to try to act. In the process, the agency I was with fell apart, the only acting job I found was with a small home movie and I went broke by working one shift a week at EB Games. (If that)

In all I came back home deciding to push the idea of acting out of my mind and just focus on going back to school. It was good for the first year, but I still missed acting.

As a result I went and tried to get two plays that I wrote going, but both fell apart before we could really get the shows on the road. Feeling defeated, agitated and frustrated I decided to just put theatre out of sight and out of mind.

However, this fall everything changed.

I actually began to work through a couple things. I was feeling frustrated with school, which unfortunately hasn't dissipated fully, although it has improved. Something I must talk about next time. Remind me? But after some small things, (and not so small things like Love*Fool), I found a little advertisement for an audition.

Thinking nothing of it, I auditioned for a movie called Dark Rising 2: Summer Strikes Back.

And they liked me.

I mean they REALLY liked me.

The coolest thing is they liked me enough to hire me. But not only that. They liked me enough to help me get my full ACTRA (The Canadian Screen Union)

They've taught me so much, given me more, and really fueled the fire for my acting again. It's pretty wicked awesome cool.

I can't wait to share more with y'all but needless to say things are looking up. Which is just awesome.

Later everyone!

Being Unstuck

For the longest time I have felt stuck.

I have felt no need to update this blog for the longest time because I have had no need to.

There has been no need to express myself as nothing has happened.

But now, I feel there are a few things I need to express.

Countoff:

1. Dark Rising- and the tale of the awesomeness

If you haven't seen the movie Dark Rising, you should definitely check it out. And I have no ulterior motive for saying this.

Full story to come soon ;) It's a good one

2. Glee

This show is my ultimate guilty pleasure. I want to be on it. I want to be it.

Yes I know the writing is not up to par. But it's still charming. It's a great little show, ten times more exciting then the other shows that exist today. Well that's not entirely true... but it's still fun.

3. Books

I'm writing again! I restarted my invisible war trilogy and dividing it into a five part mini-series.

More on that to come...

Yeah... I guess this equivocates to a teaser.

But trust me... things get good.

Best Conversation Ever.

(*) SOMEONE (*) says: (8:52:42 PM)

if you feel causing some hell

Brel says: (8:52:53 PM)

eh?

(*) SOMEONE (*) says: (8:53:12 PM)

add yourself to the traditional Marriage fan page and  add some gay marriage pics to it

(*) SOMEONE (*) says: (8:53:19 PM)

I had some fun with it

Brel says: (8:53:24 PM)

uh... ok. Why?

(*) SOMEONE (*) says: (8:53:34 PM)

:)

(*) SOMEONE (*) says: (8:53:45 PM)

because traditon marriage is a scam

Brel says: (8:53:57 PM)

I call it opposite mariage

(*) SOMEONE (*) says: (8:54:10 PM)

it's basically a homophobic group

Brel says: (8:54:27 PM)

well it's not like they're forcing you in

Brel says: (8:55:00 PM)

My theory is they aren't pushing it in my face, I don't think I should go out of my way to distort someone else's beliefs

Brel says: (8:55:28 PM)

if they were, I'd retaliate

(*) SOMEONE (*) says: (8:55:31 PM)

suit yourself - but you're breeding homophobes

Brel says: (8:55:41 PM)

Actually I'm not breeding. Period. 

 (*) SOMEONE (*) has left the conversation.

BEST CONVERSATION EVER!!

Well... as it turns out I'm still messed up. No surprise there really. But I've decided I really want to make a blog that fills you with that warm fuzzy sensation of those things we all know and love. So if you ever want that warm and fuzzy flirty feeling: Feel free to check it out

severelylikeable.blogspot.com/

Writing

When I don't write, I feel dead.
And then I get angry.
And then I get frustrated.
And then I get depressed.
And then everything else happens.

My mind blows apart at the seams at our culture. You think you know someone just because you talk to them online. You don't. How a person behaves in person is how you know someone. It's not what they say it's who they are. It's not what they do, it's who they are.

Who are we? As a culture where is everything even heading?
And why do I feel so alone? You can talk to anyone, anywhere, anytime. But we don't. We're so connected. But only to ourselves.

Could this be the new "That's what she said?" 

We can only hope...

SOOOO....

I'm not going to lie, I started this group on the off chance that it would net me money. And in that regard, this blog can be looked at as a massive failure. 

First off, I'm not exactly funny. 

Secondly, this blog is Emo. 

Thirdly... well this blog is still emo. 

I don't know how to improve that. 

Shoot... I was actually going to make a point this time... but I can't. 

School is always getting busy before it gets better... I will be going to summer school which should be fun. Next year hopefully will be better. Maybe I'll update this more often. Maybe I'll find a niche to talk about every week like fourfour. We'll find out. 

On the upside: How freaken awesome was it when Celia got back up on the catwalk and told off Tyra on the last episode of Top Model. That was divatastic! She out bitched Kylie! That was sweet. Best ANTM diva moment since Jade existed. 

What's the point? Seriously. Lately I've been feeling so much "What's the point" I've forgotten that at one point, I had one.
I took art class because I've always enjoyed it and I had hoped it would help me unwind from my other, more foreign and stressful classes. Sadly this is not the case. Instead I'm stuck with getting crappy grades on projects that I like because I'm not doing them the way she wants me to. It's frustrating. I worked so hard on a poster only to get slapped in the face with a 65. Now I'm wondering what's the point in even trying if all I'm going to get from here on in is mediocre at best.
And I feel this way about all my classes. I mean I have a theatre degree already, why do I feel the need to come back and torment myself with something I really don't need? It's frustrating.
On top of this, I'm finding out all of this from the other side of the world. I'm still in India about to embark on the trip back to Canada... and the experience over here has just been so inexplicably amazing. I've learned so much about charity, and beauty and even myself. This whole trip has been wonderful. I've enjoyed literally everything... and now I have to go back... Back to blockbuster. Back to school. Back to futility and drowning in mediocrity. Back to the thousand and one rejection letters from book houses and literary agents. Back to the crumbling foundations of what were once my hopes and dreams. It takes a toll on a man.
I guess this is when I figure out just how strong of a man I truly am. Aside from that I have to put up with a 8 hour flight to frankfurt and that should be bad enough without having to have another 8 hour flight to Toronto directly after.
Sigh... I don't know what to do.
Why are my posts always so emo?
Anyway, I'll figure this school thing out.
On brighter news, I'm finding my own place! My parents sold the house so I'm on the prowl for a new place. It'll be nice being out on my own again. And not nice. But I'm hoping for good things.

a Message from Dehli

For those of you who follow me, (When I'm not being emo and the so on and so forth and suchlike) You will realize that I'm in India. Like the actual India. Like Jungle Book, Hinduism India. It's AWESOME.
I've traveled through Dehli now and seen a plethora of temples. I've met Vishnu and Ganesha (Sorry Susan, don't have any photos) at a temple that was absolutely covered in Swastikas so that was interesting. Been to the markets, and I've seen India gate... It's a lot of memorials and monuments that photos really don't do justice too.
I wish I could fully explain the driving situation... but it defies words. TERRIFYING comes to mind. These roads literally look like a child scribbled them onto a hillside. You're turning literally every twenty feet, and these cabbies are suicidal. They know no bounds. You will twist and turn and get sick as they turn up the serpentine mountains and you blow your chunks over all the road.
Oh yeah, they drive on the other side of the road here... where it's marked at least.
As I said, crazy.
Easily the best part of the trip so far has to be heading up to Almora. From Dehli you take an eight hour train ride north to the mountains, the himalayas to be exact, and after drving four hours into the hills (on aforementioned serpentine hills) you arrive at this most beautiful city built all over the sides of a mountain. Literally it can drop off a thousand feet on either side of a house. It's really a site to behold.
Anyway, the pastor, David Moses (Hows THAT for a biblical name) has a scooter, and he took me for a ride through this Himalayan path. The views of those mountains is beyond what words can say. The forests are amazing, and I even got to see a leopard. Pretty cool eh?
Anyway, I must be off. In two days we head down to Kerala so that's going to be incredibly exciting... lets just hope my ipod stays juiced for the trip down.
Love and miss you all.
Matti

So here I am, about to leave London. We're heading to Frankfurt with a changeover, and then we're officially on our way to Dehli. Man it's getting exciting. In one way I'm so excited to be heading there, but in another way, I'm still terrified. The idea of me preaching kind of terrifies me. Maybe I'll even like it.
Anyway: London was wonderful. I managed to see four amazing shows, see five seperate theatres, each of which was beautiful. Got to see three art galleries, two museums, (did you know all the galleries and museums and such are free over here? It's wonderful! you can simply walk right in and marvel at the centuries of historical items. It's awesome) and so much else it's hard to explain it all. Even just seeing the sites is a treat in itself. Seeing the eye, Buck house, big ben... the list goes on and on... I could literally talk about London forever... In fact I probably will so you'll all have to put up with me for a while.
Oh, and the food... Oh lord the food is wonderful.

ट्रिप Diaries

These are my chronicles of my trip so far:

So I'm in London. The plane ride down from North Bay to Toronto was hell. I felt like we were going to be torn apart by the wind. It was so bad I don't even want to take the plane back up to North Bay. Just leave me in Toronto and I'll be fine. From there we went off to sunny London... and I love this city. I can't believe how nice it all is. We saw Jersey boys and it's unreal how much great theatre there is here. Me and my dad passed by Rowan Atkinson the other day. On the street. Did you know he's actually a real person? Who knew?! We've been to three Art Galleries and they're great, but I find that after a little while they all start to look the same. Yes it's amazing... but it's like culture overload. I can't believe how different everything is over here. Everyone walks everywhere which is really neat. There's this air of sophistication which is awesome. My dad gets annoying sometimes but whatever, I can get over it quickly. Anyway, he's pestering me to get off this so I thought I'd just do a quick note to everyone back home. I hope to see everyone soon. I miss being social with people my own age.

Oh yeah. My laptop doesn't work over here, my phone doesn't work over here so I'm down to my books and my DS. This should be an interesting travel session.

Next week we head to India and I'll attempt to catch everyone up on what's happened so far. In full detail.
Later!

L is a funny business

So yeah... Remember that video I had ages ago? Hot N Cold? I never realized how much this video represents my life.

So right now, I can't help but wonder, as my girl Marit did, what's going on under the surface? Is it all a show or is it for real? Is it the pills taking you up and down, or is it you? Are you actually trying to push me away or is it my mind going all Single White Female on me? Am I projecting onto you? Is this my own insecurities? 

Why do you go from hot to cold? 

Fuck why am I so pathetically desperate? 

So, now that I'm officially a needy desperate twelve year old emo tween, I might as well turn it around. 

I'm a catch. Lets face it, it's true. Supremely true. 

I don't like my knees. They're so bulbous and round. I dislike them. 

25 things

I don't usually do these things... That's a huge lie. I always do these things. I'm supposed to tag a bunch of people, but I figure if I do the test thing this way, LOTS of people will look at it. 

1. I love the english language. I don't love reading, unless the story is really different and original. 
2. I would act for the rest of my life if I could. I love theatre. I've grown up on it and when I'm on stage, I feel like I'm doing something outstanding, even if the show sucks
3. I've been in three shows that I haven't enjoyed being in. But that's it. 
4. I love my dogs more then I love most people.
5. I secretly don't mind my job at blockbuster. But somedays I want to blow up my work. And sell the charred wreckage on ebay to the idiots who shop there. 
6. There are three people who have figured out where I'm ticklish. If they tell anyone I will kill them. 
7. I'm a mama's boy. I love my parents and respect them but I still want to live on my own. 
8. I have two female singers that I adore: Alanis Morisette and Marit Larsen. Kylie is just a cover. Mylie Cyrus is slowly creeping her way into my heart. You don't know if I'm kidding or not. 
9. My favorite movie of all time is Josie and the Pussycats. Deal with it. It's fucking awesome. 
10. I have written a couple novels. A Little Bit of Conversation in 2003, The Half Finished Act of Parson's Person in 2005, Sleepwalker in 2006, The Good Thief in 2007, Jane in the Agency in 2008 (A spy novel, still working on the title) And the Disciple Trilogy: The Invisible War in 2007, The Critical Time and the Deadly choice, both in 2008. I've also written a few plays. 
11. Every morning I have a banana wrap. They're delicious. Especially with cinnamon. 
12. I always think I'm fatter then I am. I know I'm not, but hey, the price of being average. 
13. I love mint choc chip ice cream. It's amazing. 
14. I want to create my own touring theatre company that goes into schools and incorporates the kids into the show. That'd be AWESOME. 
15. I know a lot of random facts about completely useless things. People think I'm smart, but I've actually just surfed wikipedia. A LOT.
16. I'm also really smart. Wikipedia helps with that too.
17. I've always hated cream eggs. 
18. I love to sing, but I'm never sure what I sound like or what people think of my voice. 
19. I love board games. My favorite is settlers of Catan. We still totally need to do a board game night. 
20. I want to be recognized for something. Be it write a best seller, or get a million hits on youtube... just something. 
21. My favorite fish/animal is the manta ray. They're the most amazing creatures in the world. 
22. I love writing. I've written poems, novels, plays... but I almost never write short fiction. I wonder what that's about. 
23. I love dancing and can swing dance. I've always loved to teach people as well
24. I'm an excellent masseuse. I was once paid $20 to give someone a massage. 
25. I love Jesus. He's my first love. 

So there you go. 25 things. 

That was oddly hard. 

So here I am. It's already the end of January. In two weeks I leave for India and I am terrified beyond anything at the thought of it all. I guess I'm using this entry as more of a "Oh my god" entry then anything else. 

I know it's not just me who feels like January is moving by at a speed that would make anyones head spin faster then Webster in his grave after the onset of lolcats. Or LoLcatz if you will. I don't know exactly how to spell it... which i suppose is the epitome of irony right there. 

You know what I love? Lemurs. Lemurs make my day just a little bit brighter. 

So there's this musician named Krissi and she's asked me to do a dance video for her. I'm intruiged. I might actually do it. I figure it could be fun. 

I was going to have a point to this entry, but I see that's all gone by the wayside in favour of randomness and more randomness. What a surprise. 

Maybe next time I'll have a point. 

Maybe. 

I doubt it though. 

In  a month, I'll be in India. 

Why is it that before a big, potentially life changing event, everything at home seems to get blown into a million pieces. It's a long difficult process to prepare for a long difficult process. 

Attack of the Han-ra-head shark

Man is this class boring. 

I took film because I thought it would be interesting. And it would be... but why is a class with so much promise wasted? It's almost joke like. Our teacher is a great man. He's nice and he's invested in his students (as much as can be of course) but when the man drones on for over an hour before even starting to talk to the movie, it makes things more then a little ridiculous. 

I want to like this class. As all of you who have followed this blog know, I work at Blockbuster. More then anything I want to be an actor. Movies are one of the most important things to me, right up there with pizza and Jesus, but if I fall asleep before he even puts the movie on, how can I be expected to care about the movie I'm watching after? 

Given some of the movies we've watched have been enjoyable. Citizen Kane to this day remains one of my favorite movies  of all time. 

1. Monty Python and the Holy Grail

2. Labyrinth

3. Nightmare Before Christmas

4. Josie and the Pussycats

5. Citizen Kane

See. It's right there under the Pussy's. 

The only thing that prevents this course from being a must take, is the  fact that our teacher can't keep his mouth closed for ten minutes without telling us what he had for breakfast that morning and the after effects of the soup on your perception of a movie. 

It's crazy. He's crazy. 

Thank god for Cheryl, and Kylie, for making it possible to get through. 

No one will ever argue that you deserve better than me. It just kills me that you found it. 

Ever had one of those days where you just feel like you've failed? Has it ever lasted more then a day? How about a week? What about longer? What if you've had this feeling for as long as you could remember? 

Well for me, it thankfully hasn't been that long, but ever since I came back home from Toronto I've felt this way. I've felt as if I'm taking a step back in my life. It's as if everything I want out of life, is somewhere else, or passing me by, or is so unattainable that I can't even begin to grasp at it. It's like I'm one step behind destiny, and too short to get picked out of the crowd. 

I have a sad addiction, which I'm pretty sure stems from this feeling. I've always felt inadequate in many ways, but recently, I've got this awful burning desire to be noticed. Noticed by someone, anyone... Just someone who sees who I really am. Every side of me, and can still appreciate it. Let's face it, I'm far from perfect. I've got issues a mile wide and twice as severe, but I suppose this is all a part of growing up. 

Anyway, here I am. One day away from going back to school, and totally, and completely... unsatisfied. 

I hate the idea of going back. I want to quit. I'm sick and tired of school already. I'm sick and tired of a job that I hate more by the week. I'm sick of being stuck in a nowhere town with no real futures here. I don't want to do retail for the rest of my life, but that's all that's here. So what do you do? 

Well it's too late to leave school, so I might as well finish what I started. As for next year... well I guess we'll have to play this whole thing by ear now.